Bye bye!

Well today is the day. Bryon left at 1:30 for his 10 month deployment to Mali, Africa. This past month has been such a roller coaster of emotions. Its hard to believe two months ago we were just dating, now we are married, and he is deployed. Tomorrow is our one month anniversary. No big deal to most people, but pretty special to us. To us, that means we had a whole month together of practically uninterrupted time. We stole a month of time that we might not have had. God blessed us with that precious gift of time and we are so grateful.

Its amazing what perspective I've gained through this whole process. I've painfully realized the value of cherishing every moment with the person you love. You never know when they will be taken away from you. Fortuantely for me, its temporary, but for many it is perminant. Never stop saying "I love you". Never stop thanking God for His blessings.

I didnt think I'd be ok enough to write down my thoughts tonight. They are pretty scattered, but for some reason are comforting to me. My friend, Holly, gave me a gift basket to help with the grief. Man, has that been a comfort for me today. Being surrounded by other military wives and families who know what this is like has been a strength beyond words.

When I 'prepared' myself for his departure, I told myself that if I could be strong until I said goodbye, I would be ok. I thought saying bye would be the hardest part of the day but it wasnt. There were so many little obsticles that I didnt anticipate. One of the first, was pulling out of the airport parking lot. I sat in my car for at least 30 minutes before I gatherd the courage to pull away. Even though his plane had probably already taken off, I felt like being in that parking lot somehow made me closer to him, like he wasnt really gone, but just inside and would come out any minute. Pulling away was accepting the truth, that my husband was gone for the next 10 months.

Harder even than that was coming home to a house full of Bryon but without Bryon. I was exhausted when I walked inside but I couldnt bring myself to sleep in our bed, I didnt want to mess up the sheets that smelled like him and the pillow that was bunched up, just like he likes it. I walked to Holly's basket, pulled out the tissues, grabbed Bryons deodorant, put on his PT clothes and curled up on the couch in our blanket that we bought on our honeymoon. I sat there staring at the walls for hours sometimes crying, sometimes feeling a strange out of body type feeling where I thought I must be about to wake up from a horribly vivid nightmare.

Then, I remembered when Bryon had told me before leaving that morning. He said, "Haley, this is one of those footprint times. Neither of us have the strength we need to make it on our own, so we had better let God carry us". That memory, has helped me get off the couch, cook dinner, clean up a bit and quit crying. I am so thankful that God's grace is so huge. It's nice knowing He is looking after my husband, I have nothing to worry about.

Footprints in the Sand


One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.

Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.

Sometimes there were two sets of footprints

other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed

that during the low periods of my life,

when I was suffering from

anguish, sorrow or defeat, I

could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,

"You promised me Lord,

that if I followed you,

you would walk with me always.

But I have noticed that during

the most trying periods of my life

there have only been one

set of footprints in the sand.

Why, when I needed you most,

you have not been there for me?

The Lord replied,

"The times when you have

seen only one set of footprints in the sand,

is when I carried you."

Mary Stevenson